What Black Marriage Means to Me

black marriage; black love, black love matters

It’s crazy to think that on July 26, 2020, hubs and I would have been together for six years. We got married young. I was 22, and hubs was 24. But we got married because we knew that if we wanted to be together for the long run, we wanted to do it in a way that would honor God. We knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with each other. We did because we loved each other. 


But, what I’ve learned is that love is not enough to hold a marriage together. What I have found to be enough is the foundation on which love is built, which is Christ, friendship, humility, communication, understanding, forgiveness, and grace. 


We do not have the perfect marriage by any means. If I’m being honest, having children has made marriage for us a bit complicated and we’ve had some very trying times over the years. But for us, we wanted to rewrite the narrative of black marriages. 


I grew up in a two parent household, but my parents were never married. My husband did as well, but his parents were married a little later into his childhood. It's propelled us to show our children different. 


So when one asks the question, what does black marriage mean? It is love manifested in a culture that is ours. It means breaking generational curses. It means creating new traditions and setting the example for your children of what it is to truly love as Christ loved— without conditions.  It means letting go of unhealthy habits, creating healthy boundaries, and demonstrating to our children how to be healthy and whole people in Christ. 

Marriage take constant work. We’ve dealt with and still deal with harsh realities. Marriage has revealed some unhealthy habits that we've had to and are still unlearning. But it’s what’s helped us grow and keep growing. We are two imperfect people who make mistakes, but still fight for each other daily. Doing the work is what knits us closer together. 


We love because God called us to love. We love and keep trying because we want to show our children and the world that God makes all things new. We love because we want to set a good example for our children and bring God glory through our union. We love because our union is bigger than "I love you and you love me."

Black marriage means purpose, love, security, wholeness. We are black marriage. Black marriage is us. 


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