Life | Things I Learned in my First Year of Marriage

Life | Things I Learned in my First Year of Marriage

This past Sunday, my husband and I celebrated our one year marriage anniversary! Sheesh! Its definitely a bit scary when you think about how fast time flies because it literally doesn't even feel like it's been a year! I feel like it was yesterday when I shared my testimony with you guys leading up to the wedding day.

Anywho, I wanted to share with you guys some of the things I've learned in my first year of marriage.

I'm not at all saying that this is the end all be all. I'm most certainly sure that some of these things I'll continue to learn and re-learn five, ten, and fifty years down the line as we grow.

  • Submission: One of the things I've had to struggle with in being married is submitting to my husband and respecting the authority that God has given him as the head of our marriage. I like to be the one in control sometimes, but  I've had to learn that that doesn't work in a marriage! Don't get it twisted: submission does not mean that your husband controls you, tells you what to do, and makes ALL the decisions in your marriage. You're not a dog, and that would be completely abusing God's intent for the covenant of marriage. Ephesians 5:23 says that the man is called by God to be "the head of his wife, as Christ is also the head of the church" (Ephesians 5:23). In submitting to my husband, I place myself under his protection and provision since he now has a responsibility over me. In submitting to my husband, I let him know that I trust the authority that God has given him, and trust that he will make the right decisions as the head of our marriage. Most importantly, I trust the Spirit of God that lives on the inside of him that guides him and directs his path. Let me tell you: it definitely becomes easier to do as you learn to submit yourself to Christ. At the end of the day, that's what it's really all about - your love and reverence to God by trusting and obeying His commands.
  • Love & Respect: With submission comes the idea of love and respect. By submitting to my husband, I'm showing him that I respect his authority as given to him by God, and in that, I'm displaying my reverence to God in my obedience to His commands. Even aside from that, sometimes I have to check my attitude: Am I being snappy when I talk to him? Am I talking in an unloving tone? Is it too harsh? That's why its important to think before you speak because I admit, sometimes I'll say the first thing that comes to mind, and it may not always be the right thing to say. Respect is everything for men! In the same sense, husbands are commanded to "love [their] wives as Christ loves the church." Women need love and affection! Of course, I know my husband loves me, but sometimes I like hearing him say it, and I also need to feel it!
  • It's Not All About You: When you're married, you have to shift out of that "me" stage and focus on "us." There is no "I," "me," "my," or "mine" when it comes to marriage. You have to learn to take the focus off of you and your wants and desires and focus on doing whats best for the both of you, even if that means you can't get those shoes you wanted this week!
  • Compromise: Compromise is a huge part in marriage. Without compromise, everything would be difficult. This comes with getting out of the mindset that it's all about you and everything has to be your way or the highway. [raises hand] Yep...that was me! I've gotten better with this, but I'm still a work in progress, as we all are. 
  • Communication: I can't tell ya'll how important it is to TALK TO YOUR SPOUSE!! For a VERY long time before we were even married, I had trouble with talking to husband. I've always held my feelings in and internalized everything without dealing with whatever the issue was. I'll even admit that I still have that issue from time to time. I'd tell myself to just spit it out. It's hard saying what's on my mind sometimes because I don't always know how to say what it is that I'm feeling. I think part of it is me being stubborn, and the other part of it might be stepping out of my comfort zone and dealing with the issue straight out the gate instead of just sweeping it under the rug like it never happened. Ugh! I'm working on it ya'll! Thank God I'm not where I used to be!
  • Continue Dating: It's so easy to get caught up in the busyness and monotony in life. You definitely don't want that to spill over into your marriage. I think it's important to keep dating your spouse even after you've won them because that's how you keep things fresh! Setting aside a specific day during the week for date night, watching a movie at home together, talking, cuddling, etc... Don't stop dating and having fun just because the union is official. Keep it going.
  • A Day with the Girls is Far & Few In Between: I definitely don't get to spend as much time with my girls as I would like to, especially because we all have different schedules and different lives. They may feel like doing certain things that I'm not willing to do either because its not my thing, or I have no business doing it as a married woman. Thankfully, my girls respect the things that I'm not willing to do and we find something to do where we can all be involved whether it be movies, dinner, a sleepover, or a day out of the city somewhere. 
  • Take Time For Yourself: It's definitely important to take time for yourself & having something that you love to do outside of your spouse. At the end of the day, we're individuals. For my husband, he likes to go out and play basketball. For me, I love to blog and I also like to treat myself to a mani + pedi. Whatever it is, find something that makes you happy. 
Some people say the first year of marriage is the hardest. Honestly, it wasn't all that people make it seem. Yes it was tough because you're adjusting to everything. I see it this way: If you allow certain things to enter into your marriage, and if you're not willing examine yourself first instead of always pointing the finger, you will always have a problem. If you allow a bunch of negativity and frustration to take over your marriage, that's all that it will be. Marriage is work, ya'll! I definitely don't know it all, but my goal is to be the best wife I can possibly be to my husband.

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