Our Miscarriage Story: God's Plan Prevails

As I'm nearing the end of my pregnancy, I've had time to reflect on how far God has brought my husband and I and really just meditate on His goodness. I figured I'd get a little personal in today's post and share a bit of our journey.

I've mentioned briefly in a previous post that my current pregnancy is actually my second pregnancy.

My husband and I first found out we were pregnant with our first child in April of 2015. Shocked was an understatement when I took those two pregnancy tests and saw those two pink lines. Not that I didn't think I could get pregnant, but...I didn't think I could get pregnant! I knew it would happen one day, but in that moment it just didn't seem real to me. According to my LMP (last missed period), I was five weeks when I found out I was pregnant.

I was in the process of getting added to my husband's health insurance, so I ordered some prenatal vitamins from the Honest Company and started taking those right away. In the meantime, I looked into Avail NYC, a pregnancy care network that offers free clinical pregnancy tests and ultrasounds to women as well as holistic care and practical resources.

Since the two tests I had taken wasn't enough, I went down there immediately after work and took another one. Low and behold, I was indeed pregnant!

I scheduled an ultrasound appointment for a couple weeks later just to confirm that everything was okay with baby. When we went for an ultrasound at about 7 weeks, the ultrasound technician told us I was actually measuring a week earlier. She said it was normal, since it could mean that I ovulated later (or earlier. I've never understood the whole ovulation thing). Other than that, everything was fine with our baby.

The heart beat was normal and our appointment went fine, so we had no reason to think otherwise. The next day, however, she gives me a call and tells me that I may want to go see my doctor since me measuring a week early could mean a possible termination on pregnancy.

We were still waiting for my health insurance to clear, so we couldn't go to a doctor without having to pay out of pocket for the services. Even then, we rebuked it, prayed against it, and went on with life.

Fast forward to May 25th, 2015  when I turned 9 weeks, I woke up feeling fine that morning, but late morning into the afternoon, I started feeling light cramping. I didn't pay it any mind, since cramping is normal during early pregnancy, as long as it's not accompanied by bleeding. However, the cramps got stronger throughout the afternoon, feeling like the cramps I'd get when my monthly friend comes around. In my mind, something wasn't right...at all. Of course, my husband and I prayed that everything would be okay and our baby was okay. But in the back of my mind, I just knew something was off.

I started spotting, but as the afternoon went on, the spotting was becoming heavier and heavier and the cramps were becoming stronger, so we went to the hospital when my husband got home and just prayed for the best.

After finally meeting with a nurse and getting an examination, the bleeding had gotten very heavy. They couldn't tell me what was wrong, so we had to wait to see an ultrasound technician, which took hours...literally. We were waiting.....and waiting.....and waiting! After a couple hours, I had an urge to use the bathroom. Once I sat on the toilet, that was it...

I called my husband and told him to come to the bathroom, and once he came and looked, he went to go get the nurse that was helping us. He told us what I already knew, that the fetus had passed. What I wasn't prepared for was him telling us to just flush it (which we later found out he wasn't supposed to instruct us to do that...they actually needed to run some tests to see what went wrong). That was the absolute worst feeling ever. May 25th, 2015....one of the worst days of my life, and one of the toughest things my husband and I have ever been faced with.

It's easy to question God when these things happen. It would have been easy for me to ask God "Why us? What did we do to deserve this?"

Instead, I just said, "Okay Lord. Your Will be done." We really had no choice but to just accept what had just happened. The physical pain from the miscarriage was just a reminder of the child that was once there, but had passed. It was a little hard getting through that.

Even though losing our first child was unfortunate, I made up in my mind that I had to be at peace with what had happened. I mourned the loss of a child, but I refused to allow feelings of depression and anger overtake me. We rested in the assurance that our child had gone on to Glory to be with the King, and that's what gave me peace.

We also rested in the assurance that our joy is in Jesus. Our peace is in Jesus, because that's who He is. I take my experiences as an opportunity to be a witness to God's moving and goodness in my life. To be a source of encouragement to others, and to show others that it's possible to keep living after a personal tragedy. And it is! If He could do it for me, then I know He can do it for someone else.

Fast forward to today, I am now 30 weeks pregnant with our second child. Our Pastor prophesied that conception would begin immediately after we had lost our first baby. While I was in agreement, I also wasn't sure if I wanted to wait or not to have another baby. There were certain things I wanted to have in place before we tried for another baby, but I guess the Lord had other plans.  Before you know it, I turn up 5 weeks pregnant in early August.

If this isn't a testament to God's goodness, His faithfulness, and His Almightiness, then I don't know what is. We may never understand why certain things happen, or why certain things don't happen. But God has a plan, and His plan always prevails, no matter how much we try to plan out our lives.

I'm just thankful for all that my husband and I have been through. If anything, it has taught us how to rely on God even more and not on our own strength and abilities. Just knowing that everything is a part of His perfect plan, and that He is working things together for our good helped me change the way I viewed the loss of our child.

Everyone suffers from something in their life, but it's how you choose to cope with those things that can make or break you. God is just shaping you and preparing you for something even greater!

"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; 
You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,
To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent.

Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever."

Psalm 30:11-12

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